Reflections on the Spirit of Christmas
By Dr. Dave Cutts
I never would have thought that a memorial service would be the inspiration for this year's Christmas story*. But, here it is.
I have never thought of kindness as powerful. Until now. Allow me some explaining.
Several months ago, I attended the memorial service for a woman who had lived a life of service for my church - 48 years, I believe it was. And then she passed suddenly... a tad young, I think.
I looked around the large chapel as I settled in for what I thought would be a short service with a small to medium sized crowd that would occupy, at best, the first few rows. Why the low expectations, you ask?
Marilyn was a quiet woman with a gentle manner. Some would say humble.
And so was I about to be.
Humble and quiet would only begin to describe her on the outside. Inside she was supremely competent, skilled, valuable beyond measure, loved by many, and yes, a powerhouse.
But not in the usual way our world measures power. Her's was a Superpower.
Her close friend, a co-worker who knew her best, got up first. And in a way that only someone who loved her so much could have done it, summed-up Marilyn in the one word we all instantly knew was perfect...
KINDNESS.
I glanced out of the corner of my eye and saw the heads nodding in unison, and could see too the same tears of gratitude and appreciation that were in my eyes, were in theirs.
And then I noticed something else. The large chapel was FULL - more so than I had ever seen before. There were faces I had not seen in ten, twenty, and thirty years. There were people who had driven many hours and put away all other cares and priorities for Marilyn.
Why?
Others then stood and described her life of kindness and what she had done for them in their most difficult times.
And more heads nodded. And more tears flowed.
Following the service, friends sought out her family and hugged them and tried, in a few inadequate words, to say, "Thank you for Marilyn."
And then we hugged and thanked each other for being there.
As I drove the hour home, I felt something had happened that I could not put immediately into words. Somehow my world had changed and I wasn't exactly sure how.
I played the service back in my mind...and then I saw it.
Kindness.
THAT is what filled the room, when many other admirable and worthwhile people and events had not.
And that is real power. Superpower.
To move people, to inspire people. To truly help people.
For a lifetime.
As I drove on and the valley and mountains of my beloved home surrounded me, I asked myself questions that I had never asked before.
"Is kindness actually the greatest power perhaps?"
I scanned the list of people I admired most in my life and the answer was immediately - Yes.
My favorite teachers? Kind.
My favorite uncles? Kind.
My favorite principal in high school? Very kind.
My Scout leader? Kind...and a legend for it.
My all-time favorite hockey player? Kind, and a legend for it to this day.
Our greatest spiritual leaders? Kind. And legends for all time.
The next day at our morning huddle, my team asked me how my weekend went. I started to explain all this...and had to stop...
All I could get out was that as good as my life is...it had changed for the better in one moment.
As a young man, I was trained by the world around me that you had to be tough, and if you added in a little meanness then all the better.
"The world is a cold, cruel place and you had to be 'tough'", they said.
So I tried this in sports. It seemed to work.
But the truth is, it never has worked for me whether it was sports or family or business. It only seemed to.
Even in movies, the tough guy finds redemption is kindness.
So, what changed me that day when we gathered together for Marilyn?
She did.
She was gone, but wait a minute...She wasn't.
I felt it...I felt her. And I knew everyone in the room felt her too.
For the first time in my life, I saw kindness for what it really is.
The strength and courage to look past someone's imperfections and failings and see the goodness inside that is truly them.
THAT's a superpower because it is the power to help others to change - to be WHO THEY REALLY ARE.
Which is good and kind and well-intentioned.
And shockingly, unfortunately it works just as well as a superpower the opposite way too. We can bring out the worst that a person can be.
There is darkness and light - and we can bring out either.
I'll close with a confession...
I have done both.
Every day I hear from you what a great team I have here. Or, what a wonderful family I have. And I DO have both.
But I have failed at times thinking I had to be "tougher" when someone needs "correcting"
I have come close to some disastrously bad "management" and family "handlings" that would have caused significant and probably irreparable harm.
"Aren't 'powerful' men and business executives at least a little bit tough?" I had thought to myself. "I will look weak if I don't act", is another one.
But now I realize that answer is no, it's actually weaker to "act" that way.
Like one of the final pieces to the puzzle that is MY life, Marilyn reached out to me...just by living the life SHE did, and said, "Try THIS way, David."
Kindness, ah yes, kindness IS the superpower.
I think that IS the original Christmas message, no?
"Peace on earth and goodwill to all men (and women!)"
I wish you all the very best Christmas ever. And a New Year filled with kindness.
Much Love,
Dr. Cutts
*For years, I have had the tradition of writing down an experience for you all that best represents the Spirit of Christmas. They are archived on our website if you would like to see them.
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